Birthday.

"Be nice to her because of who you are, not who she is"


"But, I am who she is"



The mere sight of you fills my veins with battery acid.

Your every utterance fills my head with volcanic hate.


I only want for you to leave.


I don't love you.
I don't even like you.



you've made it apparent you loathe the day I was brought into creation.
but to be honest, the blame lies in your hands.


You're spiteful, jealous, anxious, depressed, self-loathing, irresponsible, irrational, and just generally awful.
The house is full of tension.
Car rides makes me want to vomit.




Happy Birthday Mother.
I can't say it out loud.
But if it helps, I've never hated anyone more completely in my entire life.




this isn't a phase, and it won't leave.

You've damaged me beyond what I thought words had the power to do.

I've become you, and we'll all be surprised if I don't throw myself into traffic to rid the world and genetic cesspool of you.



You and I are the same person except for one massively important detail.

I realize it.

inside.

flatten my hair.
flatten my speech.
flatten my appearance.
take that out.
take that off.
why is that even there?
don't you know they don't want you?
they only want you if the past four years of molding stuck.

but nothing stuck you say!
don't make me laugh.

they're inside you now.

look at you, you're using punctuation!
though you narrowly escaped those dangerous capitals.


Creativity? Have you learned nothing? you poor fool, blind and hopeful.


Don't worry, We're watching out for you. Just go back to bed, close your eyes and fall asleep.
We've got everything under control again.

Things I Never Tell People

Christmas lights were forcing their way through the fog
Begging to be loved, admired, or just seen.
I just drove past, further into the suburban labyrinth
Windows down. Heater on. Sun roof open.
the rain drops crashed down
Heater off.
Kid A drowned out the purring of the engine, the splashing of the tires through puddles.
My heart raced
the rain slammed into the car, my face, the road
the maze opened into the field that was still untouched
Untamed grass covered the roots of the grove
Car stopped. Lights off. Music on.
Without warning I began to sob
not out of sadness, no.

and the rain drops
fell around my feet

Standing in the shadows
the world is beautiful