Saturday, February 13, 2010

I want nothing more

I want nothing more than to like humans as a whole.

Every day I wish that somehow that day will be different.
That people will have evolved mentally overnight.

I wish they didn't steal.
I wish they didn't rape.
I wish they didn't justify their heinous actions through their gods.
I wish they didn't kidnap.
I wish they didn't murder.
I wish they didn't decide that certain races are unfit to exist.
I wish they didn't push their agendas on everyone.
I wish they didn't lie.
I wish they didn't drive intoxicated.
I wish they didn't just let things happen.
I wish they didn't pretend they care.
I wish they didn't breed irresponsibly.
I wish they didn't watch Jersey Shore.
I wish they didn't let marketing work.
I wish they didn't blame drugs for assholes.
I wish they didn't use sex as a weapon.
I wish they didn't let Sarah Palin or Glenn Beck talk.
I wish they stood their ground.
I wish they thought for themselves.
I wish they questioned anything.
I wish they care about education.
I wish they didn't love war.

I could go on for quite some time listing all the things I wish they weren't or didn't do, but I don't want to kill myself just yet.

I just don't want to be cynical or pissed off anymore, but every time I try to appreciate humanity, someone punches their wife or stabs a prostitute.

All I want is to make a difference in someone's life, I want to save someone from this shitty feeling I've developed.

I want to work at a non profit organization for the rest of my life.
I want to dedicate myself and my life to stopping violence and heartbreak.

Right now, I just want to end human trafficking, but who knows? There are a billion and twelve problems in the world, I'll find my calling.

I need to help, or I'm going to lose my shit.

Monday, January 25, 2010


At night, I think about the person I could have been had I made different choices.
I'm not really talking dramatically. I just feel like every small choice eventually plays its way into my life and the way it is now.
The first drag off that Marlboro Red 100, that first timid sip of Captain Morgan, or that first hit off Zeus.
I wish I hadn't, most days.

I always wonder how different I would process things had I never even tasted them.

I wonder if I would still believe in God.
I wonder if I would have been in all AP classes.
I wonder if I'd be at an amazing school right now.
I wonder if I'd want to have children someday.

However, I've realized that I like the person I've become

for the most part, anyway.

I'm a snarky, cynical asshole.
but I have good friends and I'm a total badass.
I love the people i hang out with and the place I live

I just wonder what I'd be like if i'd never tried them.